I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
