Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
