are you so shy because you have an std?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
