I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
