and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
