marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
