and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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