life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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