Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
