Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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