cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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