Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
