dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
