it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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