Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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