we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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