You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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