'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
