guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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