you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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