i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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