R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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