Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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