Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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