Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
