I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
