I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Come see our sink grown plant.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize