u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
