The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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