I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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