If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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