i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
