you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
