in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
