You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
