Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
