Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
