i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
