i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
