He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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