i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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