i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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