I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
