For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The cops high fived after they tackled you
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
