I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
