I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
