we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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