I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
