just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
