Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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