Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
