He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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