just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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