If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
