Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
