thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
