you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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