he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
