Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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