so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize