butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
