A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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