His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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