awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
