He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You need Xanax blowdarts
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
