Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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