Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize