Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
