Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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