Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
