I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
